Book Review: “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

A Good Quote from the Book

“Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they simply are.”

Summary

Authors: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Genre: Parenting, Self-help
Length: 345 pages
Publishing Year: 1980 (Updated Edition 2012)
Publisher: Scribner
Overall Rating: 4.8/5
Publication Outlets: Available on Amazon, Scribner, major bookstores, and online retailers.

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" is a timeless guide for parents and educators, offering practical communication strategies to foster a positive and effective dialogue with children. Authored by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, this book is based on their experiences as parents and educators, providing readers with techniques to improve communication, reduce conflicts, and build stronger relationships with their children. Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are internationally acclaimed experts on parent-child communication.

Writing Style Analysis/Critical Assessment

Faber and Mazlish’s writing is engaging, practical, and easy to follow. They use a conversational tone, enriched with real-life examples, illustrations, and exercises. The book’s structure includes chapters that address specific communication challenges, making it a user-friendly manual for parents. The authors’ ability to break down complex communication issues into manageable and actionable steps is one of the book’s key strengths.

The book has been praised by uncountable parenting experts and celebrities. Oprah Winfrey, for example, has recommended it as a must-read for parents seeking to improve their communication with their children.

Strength of the Book

1. Practical Techniques

   The book is filled with practical, easy-to-implement techniques that parents can use immediately.

2. Empathy and Respect

   It promotes empathy and respect in parent-child communication, helping to build trust and understanding.

3. Real-Life Examples

   The inclusion of real-life scenarios and illustrations helps readers relate to and understand the concepts better.

While some repetition and idealistic scenarios are present, the book’s practical techniques and emphasis on empathy make it an essential resource for parents. The strategies provided are grounded in respect and understanding, which are crucial for effective communication with children.

Key Points of How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk

💬 Active listening

Engage with children by truly listening to their feelings and thoughts without immediately jumping to solutions. Active listening involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what the child is saying. It helps children feel valued and understood. Active Listening techniques include:

• Maintaining eye contact

• Nodding and using verbal acknowledgments like "I see"

• Paraphrasing to show understanding

📘 Empathy

Validate children's emotions by acknowledging their feelings and showing understanding. Empathy is crucial in building a strong relationship. Acknowledge and validate children’s feelings to make them feel heard. Examples of empathetic statements are -

• "You seem really upset about this."

• "It must be hard to deal with that."

🛠️ Practical tools like I-Messages 🔧 🔧 🔧

Use techniques such as "I-messages," descriptive praise, and problem-solving strategies to improve communication.

"I-messages" express the speaker's feelings without blaming the child:

• "I feel worried when you do not call back because I want you to stay safe."

🚫 Avoiding Criticism, Punishment and other negative ways of giving feedback

Replace criticism and punishment with constructive feedback and guidance. The negative experiences will harm self esteem. Instead of these, provide constructive feedback.

🔄 Role-playing

Utilize role-playing exercises to practice and reinforce new communication skills.

💡 Encouraging autonomy

Encourage children to express their opinions and make decisions, fostering independence and confidence.

🔍 Descriptive praise

Focus on specific actions and behaviors when praising children to reinforce positive behavior.

⚖️ Setting limits

Establish clear boundaries and consequences in a respectful and consistent manner. For example, it is imperative to set limits on harmful excesses like screen time.

🌱 Modeling behavior

Demonstrate the behavior you want to see in your children through your own actions and words. Also involve children in problem-solving:

1. Identify the problem together. Example - "We're having trouble getting ready for school on time."

2. Brainstorm solutions together. Example - "What can we do to make mornings easier?"

3. Discuss pros and cons of each option. Example "If we pack our bags the night before, we won't forget anything."

4. Agree on a course of action. Example - "Let's try packing our bags after dinner."

Who Would Learn the Most from This Book?

This book is ideal for-

• Parents and caregivers looking to improve their communication skills with children.

• Educators and professionals working with children who want to foster better relationships and reduce conflicts.

• Individuals interested in developing empathetic and respectful communication strategies.

  This book is perfect for parents, caregivers, teachers, and anyone involved in raising or working with children. It’s particularly beneficial for those who are struggling with communication and looking for effective, respectful ways to connect with kids. The practical advice and easy-to-follow techniques make it accessible to a broad audience.

Other Books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

• "Siblings Without Rivalry"

• "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk"

• "Liberated Parents, Liberated Children"

• "How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be"

Reading Plan

To get the most out of "How to Talk So Kids Can Listen," consider reading one chapter per week. Take the time to practice the techniques discussed in each chapter with your children. Reflect on your experiences and adjust your approach as needed.

10 Books Similar to How to Talk So Kids Can Listen

Reading List on the Subject

1. "The Whole-Brain Child" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

2. "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Charles Fay and Foster Cline

3. "The 5 Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

4. "No-Drama Discipline" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

5. "Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman

6. "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" by Laura Markham

7. "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen

8. "The Conscious Parent" by Shefali Tsabary

9. "How to Raise an Adult" by Julie Lythcott-Haims

10. "Mind in the Making" by Ellen Galinsky

Authors who are experts on the subject

• Daniel J. Siegel

• Tina Payne Bryson

• Gary Chapman

• John Gottman

• Jane Nelsen

Ready to transform your relationship with your children? Pick up a copy of "How to Talk So Kids Can Listen" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and start applying these powerful communication techniques. And as usual, happy reading!